Monday, Floody Monday

All of our downstairs furniture is haphazardly displaced in our TV room. The hardwood floorboards in our kitchen bounce and squish when you walk on them. There are about 6 industrial sized fans blowing at full steam all over the kitchen and dining area.

Why? You might ask.

My townhouse flooded today. It flooded.

My roommate left our little home, with all quiet on the townhouse front, around 1pm. Just my luck though! When I came home around 3 pm, I was the jackpot winner who found the flash flood mess.

I have never seen nor dealt with flood water in my entire life. After making the appropriate phone calls, I did what any normal person would do. I rolled up my jeans into highwaters, finally fulfilling a lifelong dream to wear highwaters in the actual situation for which they were intended, and waddled around our now-buoyant carpet.

I squashed around, "surveying damage" and waiting for the Flood Restoration people to arrive and rescue me and my home. This was the best picture I could get of the initial scene:


Just imagine a swimming pool with a thin layer of carpet covering it. I can only thank heavens the Brown Bathroom didn't flood. I don't know what I'd do without the Brown Bathroom.

When the Flood people got here, I discovered the coolest. invention. ever. Those fine people over at PuroClean have devised a gadget that is the ultimate love child of the Squeegee and the Segway. They rode this contraption all over my carpet, sucking flood water out at will and desiccating our doomed carpet.


Here is David from PuroClean tooling around on the Seg/Squeege.


Had to snap a second picture when his back was turned. They kept giving me really weird looks, like no one has ever tried to take pictures of him riding his Segway Squeegee hybrid before.

After about an hour of water extraction, you'd think the problem was solved. Apparently water is PESKY though.

David informed me my situation was merely "stabilized." Oh good. I feel better now, DAVID.

They would be back tomorrow to rip up every square inch of flooring (carpet and hardwood) from our downstairs. Hooray!

Until then, I get to listen to and maneuver around the colossal fans that are doing their darndest to dry the place up. They sound like an entire herd of elephants dying at once. And whatever antibacterial shit David sprayed smells like a cocktail of formaldehyde and Chloraseptic.



Here's the kitchen. There's rancid smelling water and garbage/dirt that washed in from outside underneath all that, in case you're wondering. Needless to say I haven't eaten yet.

The formaldehyde/Chloraseptic smell does nothing but remind me of Felix, the dead, preserved cat carcass I dissected in high school Anatomy. If that didn't rob me of my appetite, the gale force winds being produced by the fans would.



I decided to continue creeping them out by standing on my porch and waving them off. I'm sure they can't wait to see me tomorrow. (oh heyyy sup Tacoma?)

Anyone want a non-snoring, spoon-loving bunk buddy for the night?


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