Sunday, July 31, 2011

End of an Era

My collegiate life is officially ending.

Although I graduated in May, I haven't actually had to DO anything from June until now besides bask in the afterglow of finishing the degree and read the entire Hunger Games trilogy and lay in bed until 6 p.m. It's not like I had to start working or anything crazy like that. I am a teacher, after all.

But now it's July 31st (happy birthday Harry Potter!) and I have exactly one week until summer is over and I report for my first day as an 8th grade English teacher (YIPES).

So, instead of reading the books I'll be teaching this year or doing any pre-planning whatsoever, I'm writing this blog!

On Tuesday, I am shipping out with Steph and Suz to attend the National Hallmark Convention in Kansas City, and that's where I'll be until my plane gets back at 11pm the night before I start work.

What's that you say? No, no. You read that correctly. A National Hallmark Convention. And that will be a blog all by itself so I wanted to update before that happens.

So here goes. The completely anti-climactic things I did with the end of my last collegiate summer:

1. As aforementioned, I read the entire Hunger Games trilogy in a 4 day time span. If you haven't read these books, you are living under a serious literary rock and missing out on the best series since Harry Potter.

And if you compare them or their upcoming film adaptations to Twilight, we are no longer friends. But for realsies, go read them. I'm currently devising schemes to work them into my curriculum in some capacity.

Oh, and can we please just salivate over these fine hunks of love who are playing the two lead males? YES.

2. I spent a good deal of time with my sister, Stephanie, and we are freaks. In a good way, we hope, but freaks nonetheless.

About a week ago I got a package in the mail at my new apartment. It was addressed to me alright, but with one minor alteration to my name....

"Shannon Nippie Townes"

My sister and I have this utterly bizarre practice of calling each other "nips." Before you go thinking we are batshit crazy or anything, just say it out loud to yourself. Say it in either a tone of sisterly adoration or one of frustration or something. It kind of works, right?........Right?!


"GOSH, stop being such a NIP and come help me get the groceries in!"


"Aww, nippie! Thanks for opening the bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio champagne for me because you knew I was too scared to do it!"

Whatever. I laughed, hard, when I saw it addressed to that name. But that wasn't even the best part of the package. I opened it up, and THESE were inside.......

Lunch BUGS! They have fake roach decals on them. Arguably the greatest surprise package I've ever gotten. Thanks a bunch, NIP! I'll never have to worry about someone swiping my sammies again!

3. We took our annual family vacation to Edisto. The first two days were pretty normal: beach, booze, beer pong, etc.

And then it rained. And rained, and rained. It wasn't our best Edisto trip, but we did all learn an awesome new dance courtesy of Stephanie. It's called THE WOP. All you do is flail your arms around to the beat of this fancy number:


4. I swear, I couldn't come up with a fourth eventful thing that concluded my summer. That's just how lame it was. However, Stephanie and I went on a simple errand that turned exciting today, which I documented with photos.

We're driving down the road, I look to my right, and this poor little preacher man in a wood-paneled station wagon beside us has left his Bible (of all things!!) on top of his car when he starting driving.

Being the good Samaritans that we are, we felt compelled to alert this 200 year old man to his Bible's whereabouts. We had the best of intentions, but screaming out "SIR!"... "SIR!"...."Your Bible!".... "SIR!"...over and over again at 50 mph might have been more conducive to causing a collision than doing a good deed.

He eventually looked over, realized the message we were trying to convey, decelerated to a snail's pace, pulled over, and finally..... retrieved the Bible. Thank God!

Then, we went to Wal-Mart.

......And met the Kool-Aid man! OH YEAHHH.

And that is pretty much it. The only two events now left standing between me and the start of my "career" are the Bachelorette finale tomorrow night, and the Hallmark Convention from Tuesday-Sunday.

A quick word about the Bachelorette. In my opinion, Ashley has been the most obnoxious and vapid Bachelorette in the show's history, and she solidified her position on my shit list with the dumping of AMES.

Meet Ames:

Ames is a 31-year-old portfolio manager from NYC who has like 7 degrees in things like finance, being really effing adorable, and having a big forehead and too-far-apart eyes that I'm still somehow wildly attracted to.

I'm also pretty positive that Ames is my soulmate and I am in love with him. I am literally praying he's the next Bachelor but he probably won't be because he's not a dingbat moron who overuses the word "amazing", which is apparently stipulation numero uno to becoming the star of this show.

As my brother David says, "Ames is just so.....Ames-y." Sigh, I agree.

Look out for the next post, chronicling the freakshow that is a National Hallmark Convention!

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