Memories by Steph

When I think back to my childhood, I like to remember myself as a generally cute-looking kid. Sure, I had a ginormous gap between my two front teeth for a while there and went through a phase where I thought Umbro shorts were the trendiest fashion statement, but I wasn't an awful looking kid.

For obvious reasons, I could be harboring some slight bias on the subject, so I thought I'd provide some photographic evidence and let you be your own judge.




Suz was really into oversized bows. I was really into squinting my eyes in pictures because I thought it made me look "happier." Obviously not the case. I look like I'm in physical pain.



Here is one that swimmingly showcases my front-teeth gap. A boy made me cry once in the 2nd grade when he chided me with "Hey, where'd you get your teeth? The Gap?" In retrospect, that was actually a pretty clever little 2nd grade insult. Touche, 2nd grade asshole classmate.

I should get to the point though. Last week, an old family friend sent a letter to my parent's house that had an update on their lives, a recent photo of them---things of that nature.

Also contained in that envelope was an old piece of scrap looking paper. On that piece of paper was a portrait my then-3 year old sister, Stephanie, had drawn of me at age 7. The portrait was captioned with "Memories drawn by Steph at age 3."

Now, regardless of what your opinion of my childhood appearance is based on the pictures above, I should hope to god I didn't resemble the monstrosity Stephanie had created on this paper.....






In the eyes of my 3 year old sister, this is what I looked like circa age 7. And just in case there was any room for debate, it would be negated by the fact that she made sure to write "Shannon" above the grotesque illustration with multiple arrows pointing downward to clear up any confusion.

Please note the one enormous, googly eye, the 4 strands of "hair," the apparent snot rocket oozing down the face, the bald spot, and whatever the hell those marks are that are presumably supposed to constitute a mouth.

So thank you, Steph, for this illustrated monument to my 7 year old self. Apparently I was Frankenstein.