Thursday, April 22, 2010

My Knight in Shining Armor

I set my alarm for 7:45 this morning so as not to be late for our meeting.

I brushed the bedhead out of my hair, put on some clothes, and went downstairs for my morning Diet Coke.

I looked around the townhouse and straightened a few things up so I wouldn't look like a slob.

At 8:06 am, there came a knock at the door. My heart skipped a little beat as I walked from the kitchen to answer it. Sure, he was 6 minutes late, but I decided to let that slide....I was too excited.

I looked through the peephole to scope him out before I opened the door. He was young-ish and had brown hair, dressed in beige.

Finally I had to open the door, and he spoke the most beautiful words I'd ever heard.

"Hi, I'm Josh from Terminix. I understand you're having a bit of a pest problem."

You bet your beige-clad ass I am, Josh
. I invited him to come in immediately. Obviously this was a match made in heaven.

I don't think I have ever been more peppy and cheerful to a person I met at 8 o'clock in the morning. Josh seemed a little nervous and taken aback by my enthusiasm for roach destruction, but he was such. a. trooper.

He patiently followed me around my townhouse as I strategically led him to every area I've ever seen a roach in. I also dragged him around to spots I believed were "problem" spots....a.k.a places my highly "professional" opinion deemed suspicious for roach activity.

I even made him follow me upstairs to show him the extremely disturbing, gaping hole in the wall of my closet.
No matter how you look at it, this hole cannot be a good thing. Anyone want to come over and plaster it up for me?

Back to the strapping young Terminix man...

Regarding my post about creepy men from yesterday, I must say I stand corrected. Josh was just about the most adorable worker-type man I've ever seen.

He was super understanding about my phobia/paranoia, and explained to me in detail all the ways in which he would murder roaches. He obviously knew the way directly to my heart.

I couldn't have him start exterminating right away, because I needed to check with my landlord. He said he would personally come back and do the job himself though (cha-ching).

I hope Josh never, ever reads this, because I'm sure he would not want to return to the crazy chick's house who was borderline OCD about roaches and wrote a blog about him the second he left.

Then I would be left to deal with the Smoky Brown Cockroaches......(Josh informed me these were the particular species I have).....all by my lonesome. And if my previous posts are any indication, those encounters never end well.



  1. I just caused a ruckus laughing at this in the library. Oh, should I be writing my paper and not reading blogs? whatevs. i'm just disappointed we didn't get a shot of josh.

  2. Ah! Thank you. I've always wondered what my laptop would look like covered in coffee. Ridiculously funny punchline after the build up. I have a good feeling you and Josh will be very happy together.

  3. What the hell is that hole doing there? Haha

  4. @Rob, I hope there was no serious laptop damage incurred :)

    @Richard, I have NO EFFING CLUE. To scare the shit out of me and make me imagine all sorts of things that may be lurking in it?

  5. I laughed so hard at the imagery I woke up my son. Thanks for the hilarious post, even if it risks Josh's return. Cockroaches are nasty!!!

  6. I'm convinced cockroaches are a product of Satan himself. If the entire species suffered a slow, painful apocalypse and went extinct, I'd be pumped.

  7. Well, it's for you get for living in Palmetto State! *shudder*


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