Saturday, November 6, 2010

Sh*t My Professors (and Classmates) Say

Oftentimes when I am sitting in class, I get bored. I look for avenues to rectify this situation in a variety of ways. But most often, I entertain myself either by drawing ridiculous things in my margins, or by quoting ridiculous things I hear come out of the mouths of either my professors or my classmates.

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you may be familiar with a post I did called Notes from the Margins. This post will be similar to that, only I decided to also add in all of the random quotes I copy down during class.

This is partly because I take a lot of my notes on my computer now, so drawing in the margins isn't really an option during those classes. And partly because my professors and classmates are hilarious, in my opinion, and I want to share their deep thoughts with the world. Enjoy.

The other day, one of my Education professors was having us engage in an activity on imagery. She walked to a classmate wearing a flannel shirt and posed the question:

"What does Rachel's flannel shirt feel like?"

My classmate's response?

"Flannel." Well said, Jen.

And from that same professor comes these profound ideas:

"You'll just want to stab yourself in the face with a fork. You'll just stab yourself."
(regarding the idea of us trying to fully grade every piece of student work that comes in)

"Your grades are dropping like prices at Wal-Mart."

This next group of quotations comes from a Professor on whom I loosely based my Endearing and Hilarious Quirky Professor. I have him for a graduate English/Film course, and the guy is an absolute trip.

"Capitalism castrates men. They must win their balls back with Fight Club!"
(we were discussing Fight Club that day)

"Are you opening it?....Is that you?.....Oh! I thought it was Tyler Durden!"
(on the classroom door creaking open from a draft)

"I didn't mean to humiliate her. Oh wait, actually I did."
(on calling a student out for being late)

"They're freshmen! They're scared of me. They don't yet know I'm a pussy cat. Meow!"
(talking about the other, undergraduate level course he teaches)

"Piss ant! I love that word!"
(I can't remember the context, but does it matter?)

"You guys want to look at the vomiting scene? I love vomiting."
(during a discussion on Brokeback Mountain)

"If you guys know anything about S&M communities, this is exactly what happens in S&M communities."
(he then retracted this statement after he realized it might not be 'school appropriate')

"If I spit on you, I'm sorry. This is my blanket apology in advance."
(apparently he is a spit-talker. I never sit close enough to experience this.)

"You're freaking me out over there, baby cat!"
(he calls several of the girls in the class 'baby cat', for reasons unbeknownst to me)

"I love Hearts. I play Hearts all the time. Cause I'm a girly man!"
(on his affinity for the card game Hearts)

And now, some actual notes from the margins:

this was during a lecture on Genesis. obviously my Professor had just addressed this particular phrase...

homegirl LOVES her some pride and prejudice. this was her reaction when someone questioned Mr. Darcy's suitability for marriage. "Oh my god, he comes with a wonderful package!"

just a nice little rendering of a potential book cover for Kafka's Metamorphoses. I think my roach is especially nice, given my opinions towards roaches.

some classmate who never says a "peep" during class wouldn't shut up during this particular lecture. which led me to draw Peeps?

"All the other royalties/crowns of Europe were pooping in their pants." I think she may have been talking about British imperialism or something. Regardless, i thought it was worth writing down.

This is a margin note between Heather and myself. I can't recall the exact context, but I know we were talking about tyranny in ancient Greece ("tyranna"-saurus rex). the rest is up to your imagination to decipher.

"Actual child being butchered in front of you? Not cathartic...traumatizing." ....during a lecture on catharsis.

possibly my nerdiest margin note drawing yet. it's an owl, complete with a Hogwarts acceptance letter, addressed to the "cupboard under the stairs."

i. was. tired. i guess i thought drawing sheep and Zzzz's on my paper was a good alternative to actually counting them in my head and falling asleep.

my professor is Italian, and sometimes her English doesn't translate exactly right, resulting in words like this: "sexuated" reference to Marilyn Monroe.

I believe we were talking about paganism of some sort, and I was particularly proud of my illustration of Pan. mythological goat demons FTW.

And finally, although these last two quotes don't fit exactly into the parameters of this blog post topic, I found them worthy of posting:

From my lovely roommate:

"Well, do we have any mugs? or any particularly big, spacious cups instead?!!"
(on whether or not we had any clean bowls to eat ice cream out of, and her desperation for finding a suitable replacement without having to do any dishes)

And from my oldest brother, who has a 5-year-old kid....we were getting into the white van my mother had procured for transportation to another brother's wedding in NYC:

Brother: "Well, it has windows, so at least it's not a child molester van."

5-year-old nephew: "Daddy, what's a child molester van? WHAT IF IT IS A CHILD MOLESTER VAN?!"

Brother: "Oh, uhhh....Daddy's just being silly."

Father of the year award goes to......?

Cheers! And go Gamecocks!


  1. AHHHHHHHH I'm so jealous of your film class! HILARIOUS. Also, I'm so glad Clementi got quoted - I scribble stuff from her all the time, haha. Oh lord how I love that woman.

  2. she told us one day, "You can be a total bitch, but that doesn't mean you deserve to be burned in an oven." but when it comes out of her mouth in her british italian accent, it was even brillianter.

  3. In my defense, Vic never used the adjective "flannel" when she asked what Rachel's shirt felt like. The shirt was just obviously flannel so I figured I'd go with the most apparent answer.

    Also, you missed my response to Vic's quote from Macbeth that I assumed came from an Olsen Twins movie rather than a great Shakespeare work. Clearly, I should have skipped class last week because I wasn't adding anything intelligent to the conversations. Yes, I'm going to teach your children.



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